Due to our current situation, we couldn't discuss what happened until later. I didn't sleep well Sunday night; I kept tossing and turning, which is very unlike me. I woke up early, and I just felt grumpy. I was a terrible concoction of dark, tumultuous emotions - Anger, Frustration, Confusion, and a little bit of emotional Pain. By flat out telling me no, she had betrayed my trust, as she accurately described in her blog. I read her blog, which was basically an apology, and I set about figuring out an appropriate punishment. I don't like punishing kitten; she rarely needs it. Usually a harsh word or a lack of tenderness from my end will put her off-balance enough to realize that what she did was to be taken seriously, and she corrects it on her own. That's one thing I love about her. she's not a "high-maintenance" slave. she wants to do it, so I don't have to spend all my time pushing her to do what she's supposed to do. her motivations are pure, and they are simply to ensure that I am happy.
The last time I punished kitten, I put a lot on her plate, and she faltered. This time I wanted to make sure the punishment was focused on what she did wrong and not on "how am i going to be able to do all this AND do my work?" So, I set about figuring out exactly what she did that I had issues with that needed to be corrected. Basically, it came down to two things: disrespect and disobedience. Thus, this required two punishments.
kitten has a little problem sometimes - she has a tendency to speak before she has thought out what she is about to say and what the ramifications of that statement may be...hence, her complete and utter disrespect on several occasions. To remedy this, I enacted a rule that she must wait 10 seconds before speaking to anyone. During that 10 seconds, she should have plenty of time to think about what she's going to say, and whether it's worth saying or if it will get her in trouble. This is a little harder than it may seem, because our relationship and dynamic are a secret for now (out of necessity...I'll explain our situation a little better in my next post) so she needs to have a decent explanation for acting so strangely around everyone else.
In order to tackle the disobedience, I wanted her to think about why obedience is necessary in a M/s relationship, unlike a vanilla relationship. Thus, in order to get her to think about it and the detrimental effects of not having obedience, I made her write a comparative essay and post it on her blog. she had until midnight to finish it, and she finished it with a few hours to spare.
Overall, I am very pleased with how the punishment turned out, and the effect this whole situation had on her demeanor. she is much more submissive now than she ever was. I am not sure if that's a temporary effect (I'm afraid it might be), or if it's a permanent change in her attitude. Either way, she was pushed a little further toward being completely devoted to me. I know she still holds back, but we're working on it.
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