Sunday, October 19, 2008

Out of control

It's amazing how fast things can start to spiral out of control. One minute everything is fine; the next minute things are going crazy and one thing feeds off another and soon it's all crashed down around you. 

I have been trying to take things slowly with kitten, due to her inexperience with the lifestyle and her trust issues. Any time I introduce something new, she has a negative knee-jerk reaction that sets her back a little. Eventually she gets over it, but I don't want to overload her all at once. That being said, I decided to ask her for her email password today. I didn't sugar coat it; I didn't ask nicely. I simply said, "What's your email password?" For some reason, she gave me the wrong password. Then, she asked me why I wanted to know. Then, asked if I was logging into her account. She realized that she had given me the wrong one, or at least she thought she did. So, she told me what else the password could be instead of just figuring out the information I originally asked her for and giving it to me. I had to tell her to find out the correct information and give it to me. I guess she wanted me to go try and figure it out myself. 

Now, at this point, I was already a little irritated for a few reasons:

1) she questioned my motives.
2) she gave me the wrong answer, and when she discovered it might not be the right answer, she left it to me to figure it out.
3) She asked me whether I was using the password to log into her account.

From here, she decided to compare us to some vanilla couple that we know that is completely fucked up. They have serious issues, and she demanded his password, not because they're in a D/s or M/s relationship, but because she is afraid he's cheating on her and is too insecure to just trust him. I had no intention of looking in her account, and the only reason I did was to invade her space a little. Her knee-jerk response was expected, but not that much. She was curious as to whether I would trust her enough to give her my password if she asked.  

So, the downward spiral continued. She seemed to be forgetting her place, and she was getting extremely disrespectful. I told her to change her password to something else...that I didn't want it anymore. She flat out said, "I am not changing it." I told her to change it again, and she patronized me.  I then told her to go get dinner so she could cool off and I could figure the situation out, and she instead came in to my room and sat on my bed. 

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this, but it definitely needs to be addressed. More to follow.

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